Recovery Stories & Resources

I was on the worship team. I prayed. I did my devotions. I thought I had faith. Sobriety showed me I'd had the language of faith for years but never actually needed it — until it was the only thing left.

Self-examination sounded like punishment until I understood it was maintenance. A reflection on motive-checking, the prayer on page 86, and what happens when you let God into the machinery of your own thinking.

I didn't walk into A.A. looking for brothers. I walked in looking for a way out. The brothers were the part I didn't know I needed.

I didn't think of myself as dishonest. I thought of myself as private. Turns out there's a razor-thin line between protecting yourself and lying to yourself — and I'd been standing on the wrong side of it for years.

Yesterday's reflection called resentment the number one offender. Today's goes further — it calls it bondage. A reflection on chains that felt like normal, the luxury of anger, and the door I almost didn't open.

The Big Book calls resentment the number one killer in recovery, and I spent a long time convinced it didn't apply to me. A reflection on the grudges we carry without noticing, and what happens when we finally set them down.

Self-pity didn't stay long in my sobriety, but it taught me something in the few months it stuck around. A reflection on early emotions, the work of learning to feel again, and what it takes to turn a wet blanket into a next right step.

I didn't think I had a problem with blame. I was the guy who said yes to everything and showed up for everyone. It took a Fourth Step inventory to show me that all that people pleasing was just scorekeeping with a smile — and the tab was longer than I ever imagined.

The quiet disappointment of doing the right thing and being met with silence — and why that silence turned out to be the whole point.